Overview
A guide that will tell you how to get some achievements that you may have found hard to get
Achievement Guide
Easy “A-Rod Who?” achievement
Severe a head and take it up the long hill to the far right as you leave your house. Aim carefully and knock the head down the hill. If done correctly, the head will fly awhile, then roll to the bottom without getting stuck.
Easy “And THAT’S why you never get out of the tree” achievement
On Tuesday, you must return a book to the Library. Once inside, you will find a group of protestors in the main hall. Kill at least six of them before returning your book.
Easy “Anger Management With Roger Clemens” achievement
Obtain a sledgehammer, then kick a bystander to force them to flee. Then Right Click to throw the sledgehammer at the fleeing bystander.
Easy “Cesar Millan is Gay” achievment
Befriend a dog using dog biscuits or through a game of fetch with a severed head. Once done, your dog will attack anyone that you attack. Kick a bystander and your dog will maul him or her. After about three kills or if you need to travel too far, your dog may wander off. A good area to earn this is Parade Square. You can find two dogs there and lots of victims that do not leave. If possible, kill the elephants first to prevent them from kill stealing. Then befriend the dogs and have them attack. After every civilian or your dogs are dead, leave the area and return to repeat the process.
Easy “Chapelle’s Show” achievement
Get some donuts. Find a police officer and press X to drop the donut. Press R to unzip your pants, then Left Click to urinate on the donut. Do not to get caught or you will get arrested. The officer will notice the donut, pick it up, eat it, then start vomiting.
Easy “Chuck Norris’d!” achievement
Note: This may require several attempts. Shoot a civilian twice in the abdomen, then land a few kicks on him or her while jumping.
Easy “Darth Maul’d!” achievement
The scythe can be obtained in Apocalypse Weekend and A Week In Paradise modes. In A Week In Paradise, civilians can occasionally be found with scythes. There is a man in a suit at Lucky Ganesh on Monday that always has one. In Apocalypse Weekend mode, go outside the Elephant Preserve to encounter a man who will ask you to kill all the elephants. The scythe is obtained as a reward for killing all the elephants. After getting a scythe, cut thirty people in half.
Easy “Do you even Enzyte, bro?” achievement
Start a new game under an easy difficulty setting. Search for women and then press R to unzip your pants. Do this a total of three times.
Easy “FAB-U-LOUS!” achievement
You own clothes and the gimp outfit cannot be missed during normal game progression. The third outfit is the police officer’s uniform. Go to the very top area of the police station. At the rear of the locker room is a locker containing with the uniform. You can obtain it easily by getting arrested and breaking out of jail five times to get placed in the maximum security prison. When you break out of it, you will next to the locker room. Press E to wear the uniform after picking it up. Note: While wearing the police officer’s uniform, you can carry your weapons without raising your wanted level.
Easy “Finkle IS Einhorn!” achievement
Behead anyone using a bladed or heavy weapon, then kick the severed head.
Easy “Found ’em faster than GWB” achievement
Enter the sewer pipe behind your trailer. It is hidden by a bush on Monday, but is visible on any other day. Move through the pipe to reach the first area that leads to the hidden Taliban base. Do not enter any of the other sewer exits. You have to reach the far back wall and shoot the control panel located there to open up a sewer grate that leads to the next level. The exit to the next area is in the middle of the water beneath the Taliban structure. Jump into the water after the cinematic and follow the new sewer. Fight through the green sewers to reach a room with pipes. Platform your way carefully to the top, and fight several more Taliban. At the top is a ladder that leads to a pipe out of the sewers and to an outdoor area that does not appear on the map. You must then follow a path through the mountains, facing Taliban along the way. You will eventually find an entrance to a large cavern, which is the Taliban base.
Easy “Friend of Dorothy” achievement
That police cannot follow you through loading zones. Commit crimes until your wanted indicated as at its maximum wanted. Exit through a loading zone (preferably a tunnel), then wait on the other side. You will usually go unnoticed long enough to lose your wanted level. If you are found again, go back through the transition into the previous zone.
Easy “Fur Sure!” achievement
Go to pick up your paycheck on Monday. Find Vince and Mike J’s rooms by finding their names on their doors. Mike is in the bathroom office, and Vince is next door in the room with your check. Kill both of them.
Easy “Gary vs. a Giant Penis” achievement
Complete the last mission on Friday and the apocalypse will begin. Travel to the mall and go to the Toyz ‘n Tha Hood store. Find the large silver stepladder under a grate. Quick save the game. Slowly kick the ladder over towards the “Coming Soon… Sorority Slave Girl Warehouse” area. Quick save the game after every successful kick. If the ladder falls over, load the saved game and try again. It is not possible to get the ladder upright again after it falls. It’s impossible to get upright again. Just past the fenced off “Coming Soon… Sorority Slave Girl Warehouse” area is a ledge that the ladder can help you access. Once you get up on the ledge, move towards the black wall to enter the secret arena.
Easy “GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!” achievement
Find a crowded area and shoot the Napalm Launcher into a group of people. At least five people must get burned.
Easy “Hello, Newman” achievement
Kick thirty dogs until they die.
Easy “Here, Wilfred” achievement
The pitbulls are usually unfriendly, getting too close to one will result in a dog attack. There are two ways to tame a dog. The first method is to use dog treats. Some can be found in the house with loud music near the library. Drop a few treats near a dog. After it eats the treats, that dog will follow your character everywhere and protect you until death. The other method is to play fetch with the dog using a severed head.
Easy “I Am Legend” achievement
Press K to commit suicide while killing at least three other people with you.
Easy “I don’t know whether to kiss you or kill you” achievement
Set someone on fire with the gas can, then urinate on them to extinguish the flames.
Easy “I don’t need virgins for this” achievement
Stand next to a Taliban member then press K to commit suicide.
Easy “I should buy a boat” achievement
Collect the newspapers found on the ground at the start of each day from Monday to Friday. Note: There are no newspapers at the weekend.
Easy “I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace” achievement
On Wednesday, after urinating on your father’s grave, you will be abducted and dressed in a gimp outfit. After escaping you still be wearing the gimp outfit until you reach the Money Shot Laundromat. On your way there, kill ten innocent civilians.
Easy “I swear, I thought it was a home fill” achievement
Complete the game. During the final cinematic, after killing the Boss, you will drive off with your dog and a nuclear explosion occurs behind you.
Easy “It’s not cheating, because it’s YOUR dog” achievement
Behead anyone using a bladed or heavy weapon, then kick the severed head while a dog is watching. He will play fetch with it.